A Personal Post on Reclaiming my Happiness

‘Cause I’m only human, just like you.
Making my mistakes, oh if you only knew.
I don’t think you should believe in me the way you do,
‘Cause I’m terrified to let you down.
– Beyonce, Walk on Water

I’ve been struggling so much lately trying to do what’s right in other peoples’ eyes that I’ve completely lost sight of what I want and what makes me happy. I felt pressured to end a relationship before I was actually ready, and it’s caused me to feel resentment towards those who pushed me to that point. Of course, these people are actually incredible and they only want whats best for me, but I’m being pushed to where I don’t need to be simply because in their eyes I deserve the world.

It seems to be a Millennial habit more than anything else. We’re addicted to constant and comparative improvements, because we’ve been raised that we can do anything we set our minds to, and that the limits are endless. That’s great, but as we constantly set our sights on what’s just a little bit further, we lose focus of what’s right in front of us. What we really should be grateful for, instead of incessantly trying to replace with something better.

We’re addicted to constant and comparative improvements, because we’ve been raised that we can do anything we set our minds to.

Inevitably, it’s become a problem with our relationships. What was once much simpler — in our parents’ age and before that — has become a complicated web of imperfect people searching for the perfect person. Maybe there’s someone who is genuinely good and caring, but swipe right to the next one (they’re hot, or successful, or funny) and all of a sudden it’s like that first person isn’t enough anymore. Finding that ‘perfect person’ has been advertised as so damn accessible that we actually believe it’s true.

And so we allow ourselves and each other to do this. Hell, we encourage it. We take self love as ‘I’m not going to settle’ and ‘I do deserve only the best’, but then mix that up to think we no longer have to put work into relationships or allow other people space to be flawed human beings. We’re encouraged not to fix the problem with who we’re with, because we can find someone better who doesn’t have that problem or quality in the first place. Oh and ‘power to ya girl, join the club of badass bitches who know their worth’ in the process.

We take self love as ‘I’m not going to settle’ and ‘I do deserve only the best’, but then mix that up to think we no longer have to put work into relationships or allow other people space to be flawed human beings.

But people are not disposable, and it’s saddening to me that everyone seems to be losing sight of what actually is admirable. We celebrate break ups with ‘you’re better off’, and see rocky relationships as a failure in recognizing ones worth. There may be a fine line between knowing what’s okay and what is not, but all too often, vulnerability is seen as a weakness when in reality it’s the biggest show of bravery. There’s a nobility in it that goes completely unrecognized.

It’s possible in the end that they will be right after all. Maybe for other reasons it was the right thing to do and the future will have a funny way of showing it. But whatever the end result is, the role that the people in my life should play is the same. Support and encourage me in my choices, even if they contrast with yours. Allow me to live my life, have my heart broken, or fall apart. You will be there for me if it happens, and you will celebrate with me if it does not. The rest is up to me.