Life

Me Too.

#MeToo.

When I first saw this simple, five-letter hashtag two weeks ago I didn’t even know it was circulating. I didn’t know whatsoever that it was a thing. I opened my Facebook home page and after scrolling just a few inches down the feed I stumbled upon a friend’s recent post. It read:

#Metoo.
“If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me too” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.”

I instantly chose to copy and paste this exact text, and to make it my own status. My own symbol of inclusion, of empathy, of relatability amongst all women. It’s rare that I jump on a Facebook trend, but I wouldn’t call this a ‘trend’. No, this is a problem that is long overdue in being addressed.

And also… me too.

I have had to withstand harassment, vulgar comments, uncomfortable advances, and even assaults. I have been both dangerously close and a little too late. But this isn’t about me. No, this is about all women. I’m writing this post for us.

I have been both dangerously close and a little too late. But this isn’t about me.

These words are for us who have walked home with a key clenched in our hand, just in case. For us who consider what to wear not for where we’re going, but for where we have to pass through along the way. This is for us who have crossed the street to avoid a man who made us uncomfortable. For us who have been followed, called after, or worse yet, grabbed. This is for us who have trusted a friend, a colleague, a peer, an authority figure, or even a husband only to have that trust stripped in a matter of seconds. This is for us who have been called a ‘tease’, or have been told that we ‘don’t have a sense of humour’. After all, ‘it’s just a joke.’ Or, you know, ‘you should feel flattered.’

But there’s no humour in the fact that 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. That more than half – 60% – of assault victims are under the age of 17. That 80% of assailants are friends and family of the victim. We trusted you, and we were not wrong in doing so. No, this was not our fault. You wronged us.

1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, and 80% of assailants are friends and family of the victim.

As an editor of an online magazine and with the Harvey Weinstein case going viral, a male in my workplace recently proposed that I write a story on ‘products that will help women to avoid sexual assault.’ Worse yet, this story was meant to make us revenue. You can imagine my reaction to the irony. It feels like women everywhere are screaming to the point that our voices are lost. And yet, nobody hears. Nobody notices the little detail that makes all the difference. That it is not what we wear, how we speak, words we say, moves we make, or even the alcohol we drink. That it has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with those who choose to act in disrespectful, demeaning, derogatory, and harmful ways. Even as we begin to finally, finally speak out, we are met with suggestions on how we can avoid this next time. And worse yet, we as a society try to capitalize on that.

Only 6% of sexual assaults are reported, and yet the women who feel shamed to the point of silence are not the ones to blame. It doesn’t help that the preliminary interrogations are always “did you drink?” and “what were you wearing?” Even I have been asked these questions, and even I have considered that maybe it was my fault. All of us have.

And though I am no leader in making such a statement, this needs to change. If you see this outcry as a trend, you are ignoring the magnitude of the problem. If you think it’s a ‘call for attention’, let me clear it up: it’s a call for help. And if you think that men, too, are victims of sexual assault and that it needs to be acknowledged, you’re absolutely right. 15% of sexual assault victims are boys under the age of 16. and it sure as hell wasn’t their fault, either.

And though I am no leader in making such a statement, this needs to change.

So let’s come together to bring down the statistics, and eventually – hopefully – eliminate the problem. Next time take a moment to think about the comment you’re about to shout at a woman in ‘appreciation.’ If you like her, go up to her and deliver an honest, decent compliment. And if she tells you that she isn’t interested, respect her choice. Next time you’re walking down the street behind a woman who is alone, fall back a step. You might be completely unaware, but that woman has been catching your in her peripherals at any chance she can to make sure you aren’t quietly getting closer. Oh, and the next time you see a woman who’s had too much to drink, help her with absolutely no agenda of your own. For all you know, she really did have just one.

The good men are out there, but not directly participating doesn’t automatically make you one. It’s up to the men to keep each other accountable. The next time you catch your friend being disrespectful, or see a total stranger on the street make a comment, stand up for those who are too afraid to do so. It’s up to each and every one of us to act in solidarity and commit to this cause. For it’s then, and only then, that we can change the meaning of Me too.

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